Find the fun and own the chaos: A roadmap to planning summer holidays as a PDA parent

For many parents, the end of the school year signals balmy summer evenings, beachside getaways, a break in 8am sprints to sporting events and maybe the odd sleep-in. Yet, there are many other parents quietly nursing a sense of nervousness. 

For families with children who are neurodivergent, and those who might have a child with PDA, managing the holiday period can be a little more complex.

As we grow to understand that families move to the rhythms of different drums, it becomes clear that conforming to society’s expectations is neither easy nor always possible for parents caring for a child with PDA.

Drawing from my experience as a child psychologist supporting children with PDA, I’d like to share a few tips to help parents—whether their child has PDA or faces other challenges—enjoy the school holidays.

By looking for the moments that sparkle, the daily glimmers, the small wins, and seeing the low points as learnings, families can hopefully find joy and a sense of achievement during the six weeks of school break.

Slow down to speed up.

For many children with PDA, the absolute joy lies in simple pleasures—sleeping in, choosing activities that are appealing to their interests, which might be walks, little adventures, but mostly the freedom to be without pressure. 

After a year of demands and deadlines, relaxing can be a welcome relief. While it’s natural to want to keep kids busy, children with PDA often benefit more from a flexible routine that balances active and calm periods. 

We are told predictability matters, but building flexibility is critical. Downtime paired with sensory activities- like tactile play, calming music, or simple crafts- can help create a relaxed and enjoyable holiday for everyone.

Holidays are also a time to relax from societal expectations. Let your child wear pyjamas all day or skip an event if it feels like too much. Focus on their well-being and yours. 

Adjusting plans to meet your child’s needs helps reduce pressure for everyone and makes the holidays more manageable.

Test the low-demand approach.

When parents see me, they’ve often tried every traditional parenting strategy and are prepared to try something different—including the low-demand approach. For those unfamiliar, the low demand approach helps children feel less stressed by being aware of hidden demands and shifting language to reduce expectations and pressure. The aim is to reduce the triggers that can lead to meltdowns and emotional distress. It challenges the traditional ways we’ve been taught to parent. 

Consider this- a child with PDA bounds into an end-of-year Christmas performance with no shoes and a t-shirt they’ve worn for days, not because their parents are uncaring, but because they’ve taken a low-demand approach and ‘let them’ – essentially choosing to support their child to feel more comfortable- rather than triggering an anxiety response and cause distress. 

To do this, parents need to overlook the fact that, yes, sometimes it’s your child that is the one who still has breakfast on his sleeve. In the scheme of things, does that really matter? Arguably, it matters less than missing out. 

Christmas concerts can be a source of stress for many families, particularly those with a PDA child, where even arriving on time can feel like an uphill battle. Taking a low-demand approach can help create a calmer, more positive experience for everyone. One way to ease the pressure is by offering choices that empower your child. For example, laying out a few outfit options or costumes allows them to feel in control, reducing resistance and fostering a sense of autonomy.

Choices can have a powerful impact on creating a sense of calm and balance.

Before you’re due to leave, you might set up some activities that they find calming before, even leaning into their special interests, essentially setting a calm environment. 

Keep in mind, offer the option to arrive or leave early to avoid the stressors of the hustle and bustle of the concert crowd. Lastly, keep it in your mind that not going is an option that ultimately “letting go.” 

While not easy, we can train ourselves to block out the assumptions made by people who don’t understand or love your child like you do. The result? Attending the concert with a sense of achievement that you’ve attended as a family, you’re calm, your child is happy (enough) and you’re creating memories. 

Schedule ‘I Matter’ moments, often.

Taking time for yourself and what this ‘looks like’ will vary for everyone, but one thing is clear- small rituals underpin inner resilience. Inner resilience is that little voice in our head that says ‘keep going’ when we are running out of puff and are seriously considering joining the circus. 

Caring for others is a marathon, and not everyone has the time or energy to do something for themselves.  

We all have barriers and it may be resources, time, and energy. According to Carers Australia it’s critical to build self-care moments into their day. 

They recommend taking short breaks throughout the day, even 10 minutes every few hours. Create a list of things to do during those breaks- which TV show or podcast? It could be texting friends or spending time outdoors- and aim to do at least one of them daily. Even small actions like drinking more water or getting five minutes of sunlight can make a difference. Over time, these basics—water, sunlight, light stretches—build into a foundation for more self-care.

Don’t cancel that holiday.

When families visit my clinic, they’re usually starting to wonder if their child’s behavior might indicate something more, such as ADHD or PDA. Often social withdrawal is in play, and holidays are in the ‘too hard basket.’

More than a ‘very expensive change of sinks,’ family holidays are important. In today’s fast paced, endlessly demanding world, they provide a much-needed break for parents to reconnect to their children and spend time together as a family. When families stop planning holidays, it can have a deeper impact on their well-being and family dynamics.

Working with PDA-aware professionals might be able to piece together triggers and plan a holiday that will support your PDA’er. It might be that your daughter is easily triggered by heat, stressed by noise and unable to regulate around chaos.  So, Bali might not be a good idea. But the snow? Great! Accommodations matter, and not just the type of place you stay at. 

Preparing for a trip with a child who has a PDA profile might feel daunting, but thoughtful planning means everyone should have a good time. By incorporating their current interests into the itinerary, allow for flexibility, and avoid expectations. Focus on how you can make your child feel especially secure and supported during the trip. Even going to the same place can help.

As they get older and can self regulate more effectively, then is the time to stretch that ‘adventure holiday’ muscle. 

Consider less social activities, with value over quantity.

Quality interactions over quantity makes a difference. We might notice that days and times during the week are just better for our PDA child and some time-slots are an emotional red zone. For many, it might be a Thursday afterschool, especially in summer. The combination of heat and activities the evening before, can create an ‘empty social battery’ come home time. Heading to the park after school would end in big emotions and tears. Eventually, it might make sense to park Thursday night activities. 

Playdates and social inclusion matter, but it helps to set your PDA’er for social success by ensuring the things they do attend are at times when they’re at their best and they can have input into choosing the activity. They will feel better about it, and so will you! 

Create a guide for friends and family.

Granted, this might sound a bit ‘cringe’ as pre-teens might say, but it works. 

The reality is, PDA is often misunderstood as manipulative behaviour. Children can be labelled as spoilt and indulged and the damage this makes to their ability to develop relationships can be devastating. 

Without context, an 11 year old throwing a tantrum can be viewed with disdain. This can lead to resentment and exclusion which is really unfair – on the parents and siblings but most of all the child, who can’t understand why some situations become so difficult.

Sharing an “About Me” page with close family and friends is a different approach but communicates that your child needs some understanding to thrive. We all know kids are the best when the environment is right, and they are understood and nurtured, but sometimes it may take a few tweaks to get this right. 

Creating a fact sheet or “About Me” profile that outlines your child’s preferences, sensory needs, and communication style can help bridge that gap. For example, include tips on approaching your child, how to approach behaviour that might be viewed with confusion, their food preferences, or what helps them feel safe. 

Being socially accepted and understood is a big part in helping a child feel social mastery, and therefore help their regulation, so friends and family can actually make a positive impact. 

This preparation can make gatherings, playdates, or holidays with other families smoother for everyone involved.  

Sharing an “About Me” page with close family and friends
is a different approach but communicates that your child
needs some understanding to thrive.

Try to organise 1:1 time with each child.  

It’s easy for siblings to feel overlooked in a family unit where all the big emotions of the child of the PDA can at times, be felt as if it takes up all of the family oxygen. This is often felt by the sibling. 

Planning one-on-one moments with you, where they can talk, ask questions, or enjoy quality time, will help them feel seen and supported. While we often talk about how PDA impacts the child with PDA and the parent, we often overlook that the other sibling might quietly feel their needs, fears, hopes, and observations are drowned out. 

Reflect in February.

There is something special about reflecting on small wins. 

So, by the end of the six weeks…

I hope you got a sleep in.

I hope you and your family went somewhere where your PDA child raised a few eyebrows, and you didn’t care. 

I hope you told that parent who keeps pestering you for a playdate on Thursdays, that while that might work for her, it doesn’t work for you or your child. 

I hope you went to the beach, ignored your unhelpful Uncle at Christmas and held your children tight. 

I hope you managed to carve out some time for yourself and that it inspired you to seek more of those moments—because you truly deserve them.

Most of all, I hope you found moments of calm and connection, giving you the space to look ahead with confidence—knowing you’re each other’s biggest supporters and have a bank of memories to look back on in 2025. 

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For additional support and strategies, consider reading The Low Demand Parenting Book and our series of PDA-related blog posts.

Finding what works for your family and making changes isn’t an easy thing to do. My advice is to be kind to yourself and create a support network that includes PDA-aware allied health professionals and other families walking the same path.